Category Archives: Sensitivity

Loneliness

One of the things I struggled most with in the past is loneliness. If you haven’t heard my story yet, you can watch my “Draw My Life” video here. I did all the wrong things when it came to dealing with loneliness. But through it all, I am now able to share my experience so that you guys don’t have to go through the same thing, making the same mistakes.

Just as it is a normal part of life to experience both happiness and sadness, it is a normal part of life, as social beings, to experience both a sense of social connectedness and a sense of social disconnectedness or loneliness. And if you are a highly sensitive person, you are going to feel these emotions much more intensely than the average person does. But no matter how intensely you feel these emotions, it does not mean that something is wrong with you. It means your emotions are working well.

But so many of us look at loneliness as a “bad” problem, a problem that should not exist at all. When we look at it like this, it only seems to make sense to remove this emotion right away. And that is what so many people do. That is what I used to do. When you remove it right away, although you return to a more comfortable emotional state more immediately, you will be denying yourself a greater long-term reward. That greater long-term reward is tolerance. This kind of strength can only be built up from continual exposure to a temporary pain that you’ll live through. Yes, you will live through the emotional experience of loneliness.

We all could use some extra strength some time in our lives, especially when we run into some very isolating events. My hope is to equip you guys with that extra strength. But before we do that, we have cut out some of our bad habits that hold us back from achieving that goal. So in my next post, I will go over some of the common unhealthy ways many of us deal with loneliness.

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Hypochondria and Health Anxiety

“If you’ve got a lot of anxiety in this area, stop googling diseases. That’s like a person with a fear of flying being on a plane and choosing to watch an in-flight documentary about airplane crashes. It’s going to make you feel worse.”

All of us live in an imperfect body in a constantly changing environment. Some of us have it worse than others. But it is perfectly normal for our bodies to not work at its most optimal level at all times. Sometimes your stomach won’t feel too good. Sometimes you will feel a soreness that you didn’t notice before. Sometimes you’ll develop a rash. It’s all quite normal.

But when these unpleasant events occur, there’s different places that our thoughts can go to. There’s the “Oh, it’s nothing” thought, there’s the “Hmmm… I’m sure I’ll be ok. But just in case, I’ll go see the doctor in time” thought, and there’s also the thought “Oh my gosh. This is probably a terminal disease and I’m going to die. I need to see a doctor right now!” Like I explained in my 11th VLOG about the addiction to negativity, whichever thought your mind goes to, you will create a neural pathway between the event and your response. And if you keep on responding in the same way again and again, you can eventually become addicted to thinking in that way.

If you get to this point, this is very scary. And the scariest part of it all is the uncertainty. So, many people experiencing this kind of fear will then attempt to remove the uncertainty by seeing a health professional, a doctor. They get their relief upon hearing from the doctor that they are going to be fine.

But you know what has just happened inside your brain? It has just recorded this response and reward. And if you do this again and again, you can become dependant on this reward. In other words, seeing the doctor can become the coping mechanism that you are addicted to. And if this is the case, the number of people who can actually comfort you in this area drops down to a very small number.

If you’ve been so used to this pattern for a long time, another scary thing can start to happen automatically. Instead of first sensing a physical problem which then leads you to think catastrophically about your health, the whole pattern can become so interconnected overtime that these things start to happen in reverse. So your thoughts and your anxieties can begin to cause you to feel the symptoms of diseases, when actually, everything is fine.

This can cause a new problem. After the doctor says “You’re going to be fine,” there, again, are different places that your thoughts can go to. One thought might be “Yes, you’re probably right.” But another might be “Oh my gosh, you don’t know anything, do you? I know what I’m feeling and I know something is definitely wrong.” People with a lot of anxiety and a tendency to think negatively are also often very skeptical people. Skepticism protects them from overly trusting information that could be wrong. And after repeatedly doubting doctors, you can get yourself trapped into a place where there is no longer anyone who can comfort you. But the idea that there must be some perfect doctor out there will keep you on an endless hunt for that perfect doctor. And along the way, there’s so much anxiety, disappointment, and stress, and depending on where you live in the world, that could be quite costly too.

This is a mental health issue that requires a reprogramming of the mind. It is an addiction to thinking negatively about your own health. What you need to do is build a new pattern of thinking positively in this area. Yes, you can still see the doctor, but even before you do that, you have to learn how to comfort yourself and not always depend on the doctor to feel at peace.

For a more thorough explanation on how to recover from this pattern of negativity, check out my short series on the addiction to negativity:
(1) NEGATIVITY
(2) RELAPSE
(3) RECOVERY FROM NEGATIVITY ADDICTION

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Negativity

“Highly sensitive people… are most at risk when it comes to developing an addiction to negativity.”

Here’s a VLOG I just finished making about the addiction to negativity. To read in more detail about how negativity causes OCPD, check out my “What is OCPD?” page

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Understanding Elliot Rodger

Exploring the emotions of loneliness, rejection, low self-esteem, perfectionism, “nice guys finish last,” anger, resentment and hate through Elliot Rodger.

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